Wonderer Cosmos

Sometimes you don’t realize that it is possible to miss not having something. This sounds indeed quite like a big contradiction. Why? Cause usually and intrinsically in the meaning of the word, you do miss what you don’t have. This is, you miss having something. Like you miss your pet, you miss your brother or your miss you country. You miss them, because you don’t have it.

But how can you miss the opposite, how to miss not having it?

Let me explain and elaborate this concept. It comes with how you feel when you travel regarding the concept of house and home.

I have experienced long and extensive travels, in many different ways…

• I’ve traveled with a backpack as my only possession while sleeping at hostels.

• I’ve traveled in a car, camping in places using a tent (this was in Canada) in a sort of long trip.

• I’ve traveled with my bicycle and camping tent as my house.

• I’ve traveled in a caravan for a 10 days trip.

• and now? I’m starting the adventure of traveling and living in my car. In a some-months (undetermined yet) adventure that will take me over 7,000 km. From Cairns to Perth (at least that’s the goal for now)

Thru all those experiences, the concept of House and Home that you grew up with is somehow missing in its whole sense. When you grew up with your family, you had a physical place that gave you a roof and things you needed to live and survive. That’s the House (Casa). And then it’s the concept of Home (Hogar), as the “same” place. But with a different connotation. It is more about the emotional feeling attached to this place. The feeling of protection you get there. Comfort. Tranquility. Safety.

In some cases the house will go thru changes, reforms, or modifications. But the home will remain there.

Traveling as a backpacker, you always get the feeling of having a house. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. And others even questionable. But you get that roof to stay safe underneath. However, it is not yours. Actually it’s shared. And temporary. That makes it not feel like a home. It’s missing that interlacing of time and space where you stay and live.

When I “lived” in my bicycle while cycling across all Japan, I always joked by saying that the bike-tent combo was my house/home. But never felt really like that. At least not thinking it now with my current perspective. The only roof I had was a fabric separating me (and not always) from the rain and the wind, as well as wild life. And not always, I insist.

While in Canada? yeah. I remember some hard rainy nights having to sleep on the seat of my car. Because setting up the tent was impossible. But the car was not ready for it. It was just a pure mean to transporting myself and my camping gear.

However, now, starting this adventure of transforming a car into a place to live. Setting it with a fridge, and a self-sufficient battery system charged with solar energy. Able to carry an already-set-up bed to sleep. With storage spaces for my belongings and utensils of day2day. And enough water and food to survive isolated for over a week when traveling thru dessert areas. As well as becoming my way of transport around. And even my office when working in food delivery for making extra money.

It has become all I need to live for as long as I need or want, while reaching my next goal-in-mind place.

I notice in this moment, that even if it is not a house, by the pure definition of the concept. It still gives me a roof, a safe place. It can separate me from ‘dangers’ like non-friendly wild life and harsh weather. Not a house, but had most functions of a house. However, it did surely become a home. It was becoming the place where I felt comfortable. It belongs to me. I belong to it. And still hasn’t been that long. Under a month likely now I could say. Including the transformation period and getting ready for the beginning of the trip. As well as a short part of this journey already starting. Just now arriving to Mission Beach to see some old friends I made near Cairns. Not so far…

And well…at this point you can tell me that a Caravan would be the same an even better. I know. But the circumstances took me to be this car. Formerly belonging to my brother, and knowing its great potential quality. Potentially using it on some harsh terrains, a 4×4 really gave it a huge point in favor. And having to go for such long distances, makes it more efficient. Also being able to use it for working in deliveries (not as efficient as a motorbike but surely better than a bigger vehicle to go around city streets).

Summarizing, all this took me to the conclusion. A thought that backpacking and camper-living are somehow opposite when they go around the concept of House and Home. But at the same time

to appreciate the feeling and need of those concepts in your life.

But something even more beautiful comes later. When noticing that in some circumstances you might be forced to come back home, to where your spent your childhood. Forced by unforeseen circumstances: breaking your ankles and becoming fully dependent of others (my parents in this case) to live and keep living. In this moment you suddenly have a house and a home. Again. The one you grew up with and at. But it misses something. Something important that you never imagined. You miss that uncertainty. That rush of challenges that makes you feel alive. Those adventure moments. You miss not having a home. You miss it, because you do have it.

It’s magic when you have to look for that house and that home in other aspects of life. Like people that surround you in certain moments. Or that towels/fabrics you set hanging around your bunk bed frame to feel you have your own space just to yourself in which you feel like at home. It’s in those moments when you realize how you miss not having them. Just to push yourself in the adventure of searching for them in other shapes and colors. It truly transforms you.